You Can Rest Now, My Baby

At 3:06 p.m. I hear the vet in the background say, “Her heart has stopped.”

Then my heart stops for only a moment and I begin to sob in the back of Storm’s neck. I faintly hear the vet tech and my sister, Melissa, make a mold of Storm’s paw to have as a keepsake. As the vet tech leaves, she says very gently that I can take as much time as I need. I wait a couple moments then ask Melissa to give me some time with Storm alone. She leaves and I began to start sobbing all over again while embracing her body in a hug on the floor. I cry and cry until her body begins to start turning cold. That realization makes me cry harder because she always gave off so much heat, she was like my little heater.

Not much long after, I decided that I should get my sister in the waiting room and leave. September 1st will no longer be just a “normal” day for me.

It feels like I am in a dream, that she really isn’t gone and I desperately need to wake up. Everywhere I look in my townhouse I see her, or where she should be. In everything I do I see her, or should see her watching me.

That first night was unbearable without her. I miss her down by my feet then when I finally turn off my lamp, she lays next to my chest. I miss only having 1/4th of a bed to sleep on. I miss her waking me in the middle of the night to be let under the covers so she can cuddle my legs to get warm.

The next day I try doing some socializing at my mom’s, then go home to find out that coming home to an empty house is heart-wrenching. It makes me no longer to want to leave my place ever again.

I’m not sure about the future of this blog. I mean, I mostly made it to talk about Storm (plus other dogs). I suppose I can still write about my Lupus…

Writing has always been therapeutic for me.Β The next few posts will be about her and why I had to do what I did. Some may be sappy posts of pics of her and why I miss her so much. I just need to get it out instead of keeping it all in my head.

On the way for the last meal, Cheeseburger and ice cream.

Last play with my nephew, Kyan.

Waiting for her sedatives to work. Stubborn yet lovable bulldog! They had to give it to her twice because she kept fighting it.

 

Note: I need to thank my sister for going with me. She doesn’t do well with death (not that anyone really does well with it), yet she went for me. Not only did she go, but she stayed in the room with me so I didn’t have to do this alone. That is huge for her and I have to give her mad props for that. Thank you, seester. I love you.

52 thoughts on “You Can Rest Now, My Baby

  1. Oh boy, I am tearing up right now. I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what else to say but I’m giving you a virtual *hug*! Even though I just recently started following you, I hope you can still continue blogging πŸ™‚ I also have lupus so if ever you wanted to chat, I’m here πŸ™‚

  2. My heart out any one who has a furbaby. I have lost several. I remember them as they left a piece of their heart with me and took a life of my heart with them. I and still grieving Kato, our cat who cross over the Rainbow bridge on Easter Sunday. It took 2 years from lost of last dog before I was ready to accept another furbaby. He gave pleasure for 15 long years.

      1. Eh…I’m depressed I know that. No appetite (normal for me though), I spend at least 12 hours in bed because I want to, I just want to sleep this difficult time away. I cry everyday. I don’t want to feel like this but I know it is necessary so I have been more “going with the flow” on what current emotion I am feeling and not trying to change it.

      2. Let your emotions flow, but don’t let them get out of control. What helped me was giving myself a month to be sad, to grieve her death; I cried, I screamed, I didn’t go out (not a big deal since I never do go out) And then after that, I felt great. You will be ok, I know so

  3. Oh my poor dear. I am heartbroken for both you and Storm.
    It is one year since I held my own old boy, Mr Spaghetti Legs, in my arms as he died. Having Little Monkey to hug really helped, so I can sympathise with your empty house right now.
    I agree – just write what you need to. In time – and it may take quite some time – you will start to heal and be able to think of Storm with joy for sharing her life and not sadness at her passing.
    With Love Scifi and LM

      1. Tho your time with Storm was short, it was good and she knew she was loved. It is all anyone can ever hope for from life.
        Maybe in the future when you have healed you might think about adopting an old rescue dog and give it a home. Mr SL was 12 when I adopted him. πŸ™‚

      2. I have been thinking about adopting a rescue dog. I would like to adopt an older one but usually with age comes health declining. And that is part of the reason I put Storm down, finances. I am on disability and can’t afford the vet bills. Every so often ones are fine, I just can’t afford if they get a disease, etc.

      3. I completely understand. Even my healthy LM now has to have very expensive eye cream.
        Here the rescue organisations offer a senior adoption, where you take the old dog home for free, and they will pay for medical expenses for the rest of its life. Basically, you just give the dog a home and food. That would be ideal for you, if it was offered there.

      4. That is an awesome program and unfortunately they do not offer that here. 😦 I wish they did because I would like to give a home to a senior pet but then the thought of issues with age and decided against that. What a great idea though.

      5. I wish the “adopt a senior pet” was more universal. Here we have No Kill shelters, so this is one way for them to free up some space.
        You could always offer to House Sit other people’s pets when they go on holiday etc That way you could have some animal contact without all the bills.
        And I hope you are healing a little by now.

      6. Ugh, I wish we had all No Kill shelters here. Thankfully, my city’s humane society is a No Kill shelter. House sitting is a good idea, actually. That’s what I did before I could have Storm.

        Things have gotten a little easier but I still cry for her everyday. 😦

  4. I am so sorry to hear that your furry face has transitioned. I totally relate to coming home and not being met at the door by the wagging tail. It took me months to stop the routine after 11 1/2 years; 13 years before that; 15 years before that.

    The last time, I said no more dogs. It hurts too bad when they leave. Their lives are too short. Then I thought, because their lives are short, they deserve the best conditions and all the love possible. So I adopted again, bringing home a 7 week-old puppy who several weeks ago, had her 7 year birthday.

    Please know that you’re not alone. Also, when the time is right, a dog somewhere will send you signals and you’ll follow your heart. The best and hugs to you, and hugs to your sister for standing by you and Storm until she arrived at the Rainbow Bridge.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. At the beginning that is exactly what I thought: I never want to go through this again. But I know I will more than likely get another dog. But when I’m more receptive to it, I will foster until the certain one finds me.

      Have a relaxing weekend. πŸ™‚

  5. My tears are flowing at the news of your loss. Words seem so inadequate at a time like this but please know I’m so very sorry your sweet Storm crossed the bridge. I hope tender memories of the good times you shared provide some measure of comfort. Oodles of poodles tail wags and puppy kisses from Sam and Elsa.

  6. It’s one of the hardest but most beautiful things I’ve ever done in my life. Bless you for being there and loving her through it

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