Next Health Product!

Thursday I received my new health product in the mail. I was so excited that it was the only thing I could think of this last week. Just hearing people’s testimonies made me dream of what it could possibly do for me. And this product? CBD oil!

I noticed my friend, Jodi, posting things to her FB page about CBD oil and that she was now selling it. We started to chat about it and I told her I tried some in the past, but didn’t notice any difference in my pain/ailments.

But it wasn’t just my okay-ish experience with the product, I simply could not afford it.  After some more chat messages she said, “So I know you’ve been blogging…wanted to see if you’d be interested in doing a 30 day blog about a 30 day journey with CBD oil.”

After some major thinking I decided to go for it. And I know she wasn’t just trying to sell me something; she has a huge heart and truly wants me to feel better.

Here is the product: Hempworx

I received the peppermint flavor. The one I received in the past was from my cousin, CC, (another person with a huge heart) and that one was chocolate mint. So I had an idea of what this new one would taste like.

They do have other products as well including icy rub pain cream (which smells quite nice and does not have the hemp “smell.”), anti-aging cream, moisturizer, CBD oil for pets, and CBD dog treats.

Jodi told me the directions:

Start with five drops under the tongue and keep it there for 30 seconds. Then you can swallow like normal. Five drops in the morning right away while your stomach is empty then five more right before you climb into bed while your stomach is empty again. Wait 15 minutes before eating or drinking anything. Continue this for a week then you can change five drops to ten.

Yesterday I asked her if I had to wait the full week before I could increase as I could not tell any difference. She said that it was okay and that she herself had done the same a couple days after receiving her first bottle. Jodi told me just to listen to my body if the increase was too much for me. If it is too much of a fast change, a person might get headaches or nausea. I think it’s going okay… The key word is think. I have a headache but that is normal for this time of year. Hmmm so I am not sure if I will be able to tell if I move too fast with an increase.

This would be day four and so far there are no changes. I know it takes a while before I will feel relief but I am just so impatient! April has always been nasty to me (due to weather changes) and the last few weeks I have been more miserable than normal. I am excited about this product though!

 

Trying New Things

You know how after you vomit, you are left with that very acidic taste in the back of your throat? Yeahhhhhh… That’s what apple cider vinegar tastes like.  And how would I know? Because I have been taking some every day. Willingly. I take a deep breath and begin to chug my eight ounce mixture of water and two tablespoons of ACV while telling lies to myself over and over that “it’s just orange juice.” I don’t dare breathe through my nose as smell and taste go hand-in-hand as they use the same types of receptors (per Merriam-Webster: a nerve ending that senses changes in light, temperature, pressure, etc., and causes the body to react in a particular way.).

Some people don’t mind the taste very much and that leaves me in shock. Although, I always have been picky with my food/drinks.

For some time now, I have heard how healthy ACV is for a person, from clearing acne to weight loss (it has to be a particular brand though–Bragg, “The Mother.” See picture). Recently I read a Facebook post in a Lupus group that I follow and the person mentioned they talked with their doctor and decided to try taking ACV. They found that it helped either lessen flare time or lessen the flare in general. It could be both, I can’t quite remember (Yay Lupus Fog!). Haha. I do remember it affected a flare in a positive way. Reading that bit of info gave me the motivation to try it and see what it did for me.

I have been taking it in the morning for about a month now. However, the last week and half I have only been taking it about every other day. I don’t know how much longer I can take it! I have noticed my acid reflux and menstrual cramps are better.

A friend of mine mentioned to take it with some honey and warm it up. Tried it, couldn’t stand it. I am not much of a ‘warm drink’ person. I wish I was because it would give me more options! She also mentioned to maybe try mixing cinnamon or lemon with it. I keep forgetting to buy it at the grocery store but I’m pretty sure that I am just going to give up on the ACV.

Next week I will be trying a new product to see if it helps with my ailments so stay tuned! 😀

 

Ahhhhhh The Puppy Stage…

Even though the last time I experienced the puppy stage eight years ago with Storm, I can still remember how frustrating it was. Funny thing is, even though I remember it, dealing with another puppy is like I forgotten about it, even though I haven’t. Does that make sense? I hope so because I’m not sure how else to word that. Hahaha! Things with Benelli are going okay, I’m just not used to having a puppy around. As with a normal human baby, I don’t get the greatest sleep and I run on caffeine. It can be really difficult because it interferes with my Lupus and Fibro. But I know I wouldn’t have anything to look forward to if he wasn’t in my life. It’s just a challenge within a challenge. Haha!

Crate training is rough right now.  He screams bloody murder when he’s in his crate. And I mean he is LOUD! Yes, I have put toys in there for him. Yes, I have covered it. Yes, I give him treats right before he goes in and some once he is in it. Yes, I have put in my worn shirt so it smells like me. So far the longest he has lasted is four hours and that is because I was running errands and not having to listen to him. But, I am determined and keep trying even though he doesn’t like it.

We are still working on stairs. He can go up them but can’t figure out how to go down. I suppose it doesn’t help that I always carry him both ways! 🙂

This last weekend my niece and I took him (and my three year old nephew) to the dog park for the first time. He was scared shitless. We were even in the small dog area! 🙂 I tried not to save him and pick him up much but at times I couldn’t help it.

“Save me, Mom!”

So I am trying to get him socialized and experienced to things but I feel I need to be doing a better job, mostly on socializing with other dogs. I haven’t had a chance to bring him to doggy daycare yet but it is on our list!

He loves the leaves and of course due to his breed he can’t stop chasing them. And that includes cars. We just had our first snowfall but I’m waiting to take pics when there is more since we only have an inch or two.

I find myself wishing time away quite a bit, for him to be an adult and done with the puppy stage. But after that thought, I always make sure to correct and remind myself to stay in the present. Some days are easier than others. 🙂

It’s A Boy!

You read the title correctly! I would like you to meet Benelli!

So yes, I have a puppy not long after Storm. Honestly, I thought it would be months or years before getting another one. I was so lonely and alone. I have no one to talk/see on a daily basis since I am on disability. I am not married or have a boyfriend and I have no children. Companion pets truly do have a huge emphasis on people. I have always believed it, but even more so since Storm has been gone. The silence was deafening.

I decided to start asking questions to people that have fostered because I wasn’t sure I could ever afford another dog. And the nice thing about fostering is that you don’t have to pay for anything, they supply everything.

That soon changed as I was gifted a mini Aussie puppy! The person wishes to remain anonymous but they just have the biggest heart and I think I am still in shock.

This person sent me a message and asked if I thought I was ready for another puppy. I took some (short) time to think about it because I wasn’t sure if I was ready. How do you know you have moved through the grieving process to the point of keeping the past in the past? I am not sure if I was completely ready for another dog but said yes. How could anyone pass up a deal like that??

I waited until he was eight weeks old then brought him home. My new baby boy is a mini Aussie.  I had no clue for a name but had a couple that I liked. I finally settled with Benelli (the “i” sounds like “e”). Yes, the same name as the shotgun and yes, I chose an Italian name for an Aussie. Hahaha!

Yay first successful bath! Third time’s a charm! Haha

 

And let me tell you, it has been quite some time since I had to go through puppy/potty training! This little pup has been kicking my ass, with trying to watch out for going potty in the house to constantly playing with him to try and wear him out. Just like a human baby, sleeping in is no longer an option and I no longer have any privacy.

My Lupus is not impressed with not being able to rest much and is now pretty active. BUT, I now laugh multiple times during each day. As much as I hate it, I am constantly having to take him outside and breathe fresh air (we live in a smaller area where we do not have to worry about smog so it really is fresh air). I know he’s good for my health overall. 🙂

I am excited to start this next journey with him!

Wordless Wednesday – Kind of

The first few weeks of Storm’s absence was extremely difficult. It had been a while since something (or someone) that close to me had passed away. Some of my grandparents have passed but I wasn’t super close to them. This may have been my first real big death. And it SUCKS. It blows goats. But, as people have mentioned to me, it gets a little better with time. I know that I am certainly in a better state of mind than a month ago. I can actually talk about her now. I may be crying, but at least I can talk about her where before I just couldn’t do it. In fact, it is positive I will be crying because there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t cry about her.

I have been spending a lot of time by myself in my home. Yes, yes I know that isn’t healthy for me blah blah blah. But I haven’t been just curled up in a ball watching t.v., I either read or color. Definitely more of coloring.

And when my mind is thinking too much I turn to reading as I am then whisked away somewhere else while being someone else. Last week, my sister asked if I could start helping her out by picking up one of my youngest nephews from school, take him home and watching him for about an hour and half. Something again about me needing to get out of my house. I don’t want to but I know she would help me in a heartbeat so I said I would a couple days a week. So I started this week and have been ill every day so far. Haha! I swear it hasn’t been intentional! 🙂

I wanted to have something with me everyday with Storm’s ashes so I pulled up Amazon on my phone. I picked out a necklace, that also doubles as a key chain. The ratings were good with a price of only $10.99. It’s pretty heavy! I like it though. 🙂 A couple of my cousins are getting me something, but I will have to post a picture once I get it.

I must admit that I have already started to look at other dogs and pets. It seems a bit early, especially with how close I was to Storm. I think having something else to focus on, will help me focus on her less. I also think Storm’s whole leg issues made me be aware that she might not have much more time with me. So maybe my grieving started early?? There were quite a few times that I not only thought she was going to die but was questioning if I should put her to sleep. Those last four to five months were literally hell for us. And as much as I loathe that she is not here, I know she is in a better place now.

Storm’s 8th birthday – her last birthday, right in the middle of our hellish months

 

Storm’s Never-ending Leg Issues

*Warning Includes pictures: Not for the faint-hearted

Annnnnd I’m back! Although I don’t write many blog posts or always reply to comments, I do “okay” with reading some of your blog posts. You may have noticed that I have been a little more quiet lately. Well, I meant to put one of my notifications in my spam e-mail and wasn’t thinking that ALL my WordPress notifications would go there. I suspect WP received a message or that e-mails were returned, and WP shut off my notices, email notifications, etc. Which is fine! I’m not blaming them for my less than stellar thinking. It sadly took me a couple weeks to realize that I had not read particular posts. Any-who, I have changed things under my WP account and am once again good to go.

I decided to try a mouth guard to help with my head and neck pain. I can’t afford a decent one from a dentist so I purchased one at the local store that you can do at home. One night after doing the annoying process of making the molds, I put it in. It certainly takes time to become used to it and I’m not exactly having luck with it. I have been taking it out of my mouth while I sleep. Soooooo that project is currently on hold.

Storm’s leg that had the torn ACL is once again giving her (us) Hell. This time it is her foot. A few days ago, I noticed that one of the paw toes(?) had started to swell up.

I was thinking that maybe she was reacting to a bug bite or sting. But then it become worse…

And worse…

and continued going downhill it seemed…

This all was within a day or so. I brought her to my new vet and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. He found her pulse near her foot and said it was strong. He swabbed part of her foot and the results came up as bacterial infection (which is what her knee comes up as when it’s acting up). So she has 14 days of medication and it is taking FOREVER to start working.

At the vet’s 2nd time

The next day after a full dose of her medication, her foot looked worse. I brought her in for a quick look and my vet said it IS healing, that it will just look like it’s not. He also mentioned that for the healing process, it will keep filling with fluid until the skin splits open, then releasing all the fluid.

NASTY!!!

Just like when her leg acts up, she has begun leaking blood everywhere. I tried to wrap up her foot but don’t have anything that works. So for now, she is mostly confined to the love seat. I even bring her food to her at the love seat.

I feel horrible for her, she looks so uncomfortable. When laying, her foot is constantly moving and she cannot find a position that is comfortable. The vet said she is not in pain but I beg to differ. The only time she does not seem uncomfortable is when she is sleeping.

 

 

What Stress?

I want to apologize for not replying to all comments right away–I’m horrible at it. Which baffles me because I figured I would be good at it. Many times I am reading and replying to comments, then something shiny (a text message, an e-mail, taking Storm out–not that that is always “shiny” but you catch my drift) catches my eye. And when that happens, I usually forget what I was doing or working on. That is the product of my Lupus/Fibro Fog. Every so often I try to remember to go through the comments and see the ones that I have missed. The key words there are “try to remember.”

I found something I need to look at when feeling low. I suggest you look at Thug Unicorn on FB for some feel good and ass kicking mantras.  

from Facebook
from Facebook

These last two, or three (?) weeks have been very painful for me. Headaches (although at times they feel like migraines), earaches, neck and upper back pain non-stop, all day, every day.  I tried a few things and they didn’t work. I didn’t want to visit my doctor though because I knew what he would say, that I’m clenching my jaw at night and tensing up. Last time this happened, he couldn’t figure anything out so I went to an ear specialist. But that was so long ago that I can’t remember what the specialist said, all I know is that nothing came of it. My doctor decided though to switch up my night meds a little and see if it would help. I didn’t notice any difference that first night, so along with my new meds he also wanted me to take my old ones. Oh man, I slept soooo deep it was fabulous! Take that, insomnia! Ha! I love sleeping even more now. The downside is I am still in pain during the day. So I need to make another call to the doctor.

Like most people, I Googled my symptoms and I am fairly certain I have TMJ (The temporomandibular joint) issues. It mentions for TMJ issues that I would need to see a dentist. Well Medicare doesn’t cover dentistry. So, once I get my next monthly funds, I will be purchasing a mouth guard for night. I should have gotten a mouth guard years ago as I also grind my teeth at night. But I kept putting it off, maybe part being in denial that I actually need one. This time the pain is too great to not get one to see if it helps.

This pain has made me aware though, how much I am lacking with my mindfulness and meditation. So I am forcing myself to get back into those habits. I feel they truly make a difference in my life and I feel that life is better with those habits.

Getting back to my normal self

So mentally I am feeling better. I figure if my friends don’t want to be in my life, then I will just find some friends that care. Although it is somewhat difficult to do if you never go out and socialize. Ha! Most of the time I don’t feel well to go out. There are a couple writing groups that have had meet ups, but it’s usually only once a month and I tend to have more bad days than good in a month’s time. I will still try to go to future ones though, I’m not giving up.

At the beginning of the month my mom and I went to a showing of Cirque Du Soleil. I have never been to one before and it was BRILLIANT! Seriously, if you have the chance, GO. It is totally worth the money. Going to that with my mom really helped me get out of my depressed/negative funk.

Now how I feel physically is a different story. My Lupus is in a flare and has been mean to my stomach all of last week, making it feel nauseated and acidic. My fatigue has been horrible. I get about 12 hours at night then usually can’t stay awake during the day so I take a nap on top of the 12 hours. No, I’m not getting “too much” sleep. I listen to my body. Besides, with Storm wanting to go outside every 3-4 hours, I don’t have a chance. My Fibro areas have been painful and my Lupus has been making my joints ache. I know it will be fine though, the flare just needs to run its course.

Lately I have been obsessed with a book series about a demon chic that kicks ass! 🙂 The author is Pippa DaCosta and the first in the series is called Beyond the Veil. Seriously, it’s been ridiculous. It’s the only thing I do during the day and as soon as I finish one, I immediately go online and purchase the next in the series. It has been quite some time since an author has grabbed my attention like that. But it is possible that I can’t stop reading her books because I haven’t read any other demon series/books. I’m not sure if men would like it as it has some romance. But check it out! The prequel is a bit darker than the rest of the series, but the first in the series is currently free on Amazon. And that is how I became hooked. 🙂

I had a couple ‘snaps’ from Snapchat that I thought you guys might like. Here is one but I will make another post for a few more. I hope you guys are doing well and I will try to visit some of your blogs as I know I am behind! 🙂

LOL sometimes it is difficult to tell which way she is looking!
LOL sometimes it is difficult to tell which way she is looking!

Holiday Depression

Holidays (mostly Christmas) can be very depressing for someone with a chronic illness, especially if they do not have a significant other. It could be that that person is not able to partake in festivities due to how shitty they feel. Another reason may be because they are on disability income and cannot afford gifts for the important people in their lives. Yes, it’s not about gifts, but it’s about being with family and friends. However it’s hard to keep that thought as everyone around you are opening gifts. And TV sure as hell doesn’t help. Every other commercial is about gifts, and what you are getting your loved one. Because more than ever, you want to be watching the surprise and happiness on their face when they open the gift from you.
These last few weeks I have been in a downward spiral with my depression. I am trying things and skills I learned in therapy to try and get back in the right mindset but nothing is working. I feel completely alone and lonely. It’s been a long time since I have cried this much. A factor that doesn’t help is I feel my close friends have not been there for me during this difficult time. A support group/circle is very critical to someone with a chronic illness (even for a normal person). Bless my mom for her support and putting up with my depressing texts, I would be worse off if she were not in my life. I have thought about contacting my therapist but I keep telling myself that I will soon feel better and back to my old self (and actually believe it) so there is no need to. But that hasn’t really been working either…
This is where my therapy skills that I learned kicks in: The negative thoughts (I thought about putting “voices,” then decided against it haha) are saying that my friends don’t care about me (I have voiced my opinion to them that holidays are depressing but they haven’t bothered to check on me.). But my therapy skills say, ‘let’s list reasons why they are unavailable and then choose a more realistic reason why they aren’t there for me: Do they have kids? A job? Significant other? Health problems? So every time I think a negative thought, I counteract it with a positive or realistic thought. But it’s not sticking. 😦 And I realize that everyone has a life so they will be busy and that’s why I don’t hear from them. But my depression makes me focus on only ME and nothing else. Why things aren’t working out for ME. Me, me, me. I’m not dismissing that depression is fake, it is very much real. When I find out my friends are not happy or sick, I try to contact them right away to see if things are okay. But I feel that they don’t do it in return. Don’t I deserve to feel loved? 😦

Two Fish, Three Fish, No Fish

Hey everyone, sorry you haven’t heard/seen me lately. I forgot how much my Fibromyalgia hates winter and cold. I was in more pain than normal all of last month. I went through some of your blog posts but that was all you were going to get from me. Haha! Around Thanksgiving I had a bitch of a migraine that wouldn’t disappear. Finally on the 5th straight day, I knew I had to go in and ask for something different/stronger than my Percocet. My sister, M, was kind enough to pick me up and take me to acute care so I could get a shot at the top of my butt. 🙂 It had been quite some time since I had to get a pain shot and whewwww it burned. Now, I am mostly feeling better.

And naturally, if it’s not me having health issues it’s Storm. Yes, she is still having issues with her leg and it started to swell up again. Either she opened her old wound or it burst open on its own. I have her blood/fluids on my floors, furniture and blankets because it is slowly draining. I’m impatiently waiting for her wound to heal so I can start deep cleaning. On Monday, I take her in to get an x-ray to see if that will show anything unusual. Sigh…this damn dog is getting to be too expensive for someone on just a Social Security income. 😦

See that big 'ol ball of fluid on what would be her kneecap?
See that big ‘ol ball of fluid on what would be her kneecap?

Thankfully, I no longer have a dating life so I am able to take care of Storm and myself. I really hate the dating life. The guy I really liked saw me for a few more weeks. One night we had a REALLY great night at my place. His wall finally came down a little. I found out he loves peanut butter too so we talked about it for about five straight minutes. What started our convo was that he asked if I had something to munch on and I showed him my box of peanut butter and chocolate chip granola bars. He said he was going to eat the whole box and I thought he was joking so I said that it was fine. He ended up eating the whole box! It was a brand new box! Haha! We were cuddling on the couch and it had been almost three weeks since seeing him last so I said I had missed him and he said he missed me too. Shortly after he took off so I could sleep. I texted him the next day and I got no response. I texted him the day after and the day after that. Nothing. Okay buddy, I can take a hint. I don’t want to assume but I think maybe he got the feels for me and that scared him. I don’t find it a coincidence that I express my feelings by saying that I missed him and him disappearing after that night.

I decided to meet up with another guy to see how that went. We started to watch a movie and he didn’t waste any time in pulling me in to cuddle. Red flag! I thought that I would see how it went it a little longer. He asked me if I wanted to know anything else about him and I mentioned that I couldn’t think of anything at that time. He said that he wanted to know something else about me so I asked what he wanted to know. He said, “I want to know if you are a good kisser.” I giggled, he was being so corny. So I thought, sure what the hell, and we started making out. Um, wow… Within minutes, the bottom half of my whole face was covered with his slobber. After an agonizing amount of time, I finally had to pull away and casually wipe my face.

I thought maybe I could try again but try to stay in charge and show him how to kiss me. I moved closer annnnnnnnd he stuck his tongue out in between his lips… Bahahahaha! He didn’t try put his tongue back in, he just sat there like that. HOW DO YOU EVEN RESPOND TO THAT?!?! I would lean in like I was going to kiss him,  but even then he wouldn’t pull it back in so I would awkwardly pull away. I tried a couple times yet nothing changed, so I just gave up and acted like I wanted to cuddle. Haha. He decided to give me a hickey on my neck. What the hell?!?! Are we back in high school?!?! And holy hell it HURT. It hurt so much that I could only grit my teeth in pain and not think about speaking up. Sure enough it was deep purple and hurt for a couple days after. *Shivers* It was such a bad date. He was a “one and done.” Soon after that, I deleted my profile on POF. dating