The first few weeks of Storm’s absence was extremely difficult. It had been a while since something (or someone) that close to me had passed away. Some of my grandparents have passed but I wasn’t super close to them. This may have been my first real big death. And it SUCKS. It blows goats. But, as people have mentioned to me, it gets a little better with time. I know that I am certainly in a better state of mind than a month ago. I can actually talk about her now. I may be crying, but at least I can talk about her where before I just couldn’t do it. In fact, it is positive I will be crying because there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t cry about her.
I have been spending a lot of time by myself in my home. Yes, yes I know that isn’t healthy for me blah blah blah. But I haven’t been just curled up in a ball watching t.v., I either read or color. Definitely more of coloring.
And when my mind is thinking too much I turn to reading as I am then whisked away somewhere else while being someone else. Last week, my sister asked if I could start helping her out by picking up one of my youngest nephews from school, take him home and watching him for about an hour and half. Something again about me needing to get out of my house. I don’t want to but I know she would help me in a heartbeat so I said I would a couple days a week. So I started this week and have been ill every day so far. Haha! I swear it hasn’t been intentional! 🙂
I wanted to have something with me everyday with Storm’s ashes so I pulled up Amazon on my phone. I picked out a necklace, that also doubles as a key chain. The ratings were good with a price of only $10.99. It’s pretty heavy! I like it though. 🙂 A couple of my cousins are getting me something, but I will have to post a picture once I get it.
I must admit that I have already started to look at other dogs and pets. It seems a bit early, especially with how close I was to Storm. I think having something else to focus on, will help me focus on her less. I also think Storm’s whole leg issues made me be aware that she might not have much more time with me. So maybe my grieving started early?? There were quite a few times that I not only thought she was going to die but was questioning if I should put her to sleep. Those last four to five months were literally hell for us. And as much as I loathe that she is not here, I know she is in a better place now.
Last Saturday, I went to support my gay family and friends and went to our city’s Pride festival. This was the first time attending and I didn’t know anyone there. Normally, if I don’t have someone to go with somewhere, I just won’t go. Yes, I give up my chance of having fun or living LIFE just because I don’t want to go alone. And I know that I am not the only person like this. *cough* introverts *cough* But I’ve had enough of missing things just because I am… Hmmm I don’t know, scared? Intimidated? Care about what people think of me being there alone? My mother often goes to movies alone, I have always admired her for that. It is something I need to do sometime because there are tons of movies that I have wanted to see but never had anyone to go with sooooo I missed the chance of seeing them on the big screen.
So going to this festival alone was HUGE for me as it is the first thing I have done alone (I think). Technically I guess I wasn’t alone, I brought Storm. But having her with me gave me the courage to get out of my house and go. Even though I brought her with, I am still proud of myself and had to give myself a pat on the back (by posting it ha!).
I ended up staying for a couple hours, which surprised me. But how could I leave when the main theme is about love? Oh! And how could I leave when everyone was adoring and gushing over Storm? I can’t help it, I’m a proud mama. I like to show her off. 🙂
Things with Storm are looking up! I am so relieved!
Doesn’t it look great?!? It looks amazing compared to the other pics that I had posted! Ironically, when I took this shot a week or so ago, it looked like she was getting an infection again. I had seen her lick the site but I had no idea she was that obsessed with it. So, she is back on her antibiotic and the cone is on when I’m not next to her.
Things are going well with Storm learning how to be a tri-pawed. I haven’t taken her on a long walk yet but plan to soon. But her back leg is getting buff! 🙂 She is able to race up the stairs now and she can get up in a fluid motion from where she is laying down.
My lack of Storm pictures has been bugging me but I think that is mostly due to the cold weather. I had some flowers in my possession (thanks to my kind neighbor) so decided to take advantage of them. Now, I realize my pictures are nothing too crazy, but I’m posting them anyway. 🙂
So mentally I am feeling better. I figure if my friends don’t want to be in my life, then I will just find some friends that care. Although it is somewhat difficult to do if you never go out and socialize. Ha! Most of the time I don’t feel well to go out. There are a couple writing groups that have had meet ups, but it’s usually only once a month and I tend to have more bad days than good in a month’s time. I will still try to go to future ones though, I’m not giving up.
At the beginning of the month my mom and I went to a showing of Cirque Du Soleil. I have never been to one before and it was BRILLIANT! Seriously, if you have the chance, GO. It is totally worth the money. Going to that with my mom really helped me get out of my depressed/negative funk.
Now how I feel physically is a different story. My Lupus is in a flare and has been mean to my stomach all of last week, making it feel nauseated and acidic. My fatigue has been horrible. I get about 12 hours at night then usually can’t stay awake during the day so I take a nap on top of the 12 hours. No, I’m not getting “too much” sleep. I listen to my body. Besides, with Storm wanting to go outside every 3-4 hours, I don’t have a chance. My Fibro areas have been painful and my Lupus has been making my joints ache. I know it will be fine though, the flare just needs to run its course.
Lately I have been obsessed with a book series about a demon chic that kicks ass! 🙂 The author is Pippa DaCosta and the first in the series is called Beyond the Veil. Seriously, it’s been ridiculous. It’s the only thing I do during the day and as soon as I finish one, I immediately go online and purchase the next in the series. It has been quite some time since an author has grabbed my attention like that. But it is possible that I can’t stop reading her books because I haven’t read any other demon series/books. I’m not sure if men would like it as it has some romance. But check it out! The prequel is a bit darker than the rest of the series, but the first in the series is currently free on Amazon. And that is how I became hooked. 🙂
I had a couple ‘snaps’ from Snapchat that I thought you guys might like. Here is one but I will make another post for a few more. I hope you guys are doing well and I will try to visit some of your blogs as I know I am behind! 🙂