Old sdloopy posts

I may lump some of my shorter posts together, but otherwise here we go…

Oct 5, 2006


Upon going through my boxes for storage I came across my old cartoon drawings, my old letters and even my old poem I wrote. I normally do not write poems. It’s not my thing to do I guess but I love them when they rhyme. I think any other poem I have is one being forced by my high school English teachers. This poem was dated June of 2002. Even though it is old, emotions are still very familiar. As in few weeks familiar.


You were my best friend, the one I could turn to. You would give me hope when I became blue.

Your smile kept me going through the day, with your eyes so focused, I didn’t think you would ever go astray.

You had a soothing and electrifying touch. The way you complimented me, I couldn’t help but blush.

I thought you were different so I thought I would try. But like all the other men, you as well lie.

I hate the fact that you do not speak, for all I can do now is weep.

Nov 26, 2006

Just some thoughts

What’s the difference between friendships and intimate relationships when it comes to trust? Is there a difference? Are we more forgiving to friends than a significant other? If a person felt their trust was betrayed by a significant other they might break things off. But when a friend does it, generally don’t they try to work it out? Like intimate relationships, friendships also need work. Both friends have to put in the motivation to keep it alive and growing.

My trust with one of my friendships was placed on hold today. The question that is in my head that I am pondering is should I forgive or should I say, “Don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.” Some people say they are nicest people to you, unless you do them wrong. Doesn’t everyone make mistakes though? Are we not human if we do not make mistakes? It’s easy to stay focused on another person’s mistakes instead of your own… What considers a mistake to be unforgivable? What is the friendship threshold from a human mistake?

I’m not sure if I have ever had to deal with a trust issue like this before. Either that or it’s been so long the glasses I’m wearing are so dusty that I can’t see through them. It’s not only the issue that’s a concern but the emotions that come along with it. I feel very betrayed and hurt by these actions.

They (“experts”) say holding a grudge is bad for your health. But yet you can’t let people walk all over you; you have to come to a happy-medium perhaps. Apparently, I haven’t figured out how to do that yet. I don’t like confrontation. Generally if I am fighting with someone I give in first. I hate not talking and giving/receiving the cold shoulder. Perhaps I don’t have the will power. I have not waived the truce flag yet; I’m trying to not make any choices until I cool down.


Right now I am trying to take note of each emotion that I am feeling…


I feel sadness.

I feel anger.


I think those are the main two a person can feel after being blindsided by a friend. It’s painful when someone decides to no longer be in your life. In my situation, there also is some confusion as I have no idea what I did wrong as it was not told to me. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. And it pisses me off because I deserved a proper face to face goodbye. Not some stupid text in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. My texts go unanswered and they blocked me on Facebook. It’s hard to take this in as this person was a childhood friend and within the last few months we became better friends. I know they are a good person. Well, at least I thought they were…


I wanted this to be a longer post as my mind is consumed by this recent event. But I find myself at a loss for words…