What Stress?

I want to apologize for not replying to all comments right away–I’m horrible at it. Which baffles me because I figured I would be good at it. Many times I am reading and replying to comments, then something shiny (a text message, an e-mail, taking Storm out–not that that is always “shiny” but you catch my drift) catches my eye. And when that happens, I usually forget what I was doing or working on. That is the product of my Lupus/Fibro Fog. Every so often I try to remember to go through the comments and see the ones that I have missed. The key words there are “try to remember.”

I found something I need to look at when feeling low. I suggest you look at Thug Unicorn on FB for some feel good and ass kicking mantras.  

from Facebook
from Facebook

These last two, or three (?) weeks have been very painful for me. Headaches (although at times they feel like migraines), earaches, neck and upper back pain non-stop, all day, every day.  I tried a few things and they didn’t work. I didn’t want to visit my doctor though because I knew what he would say, that I’m clenching my jaw at night and tensing up. Last time this happened, he couldn’t figure anything out so I went to an ear specialist. But that was so long ago that I can’t remember what the specialist said, all I know is that nothing came of it. My doctor decided though to switch up my night meds a little and see if it would help. I didn’t notice any difference that first night, so along with my new meds he also wanted me to take my old ones. Oh man, I slept soooo deep it was fabulous! Take that, insomnia! Ha! I love sleeping even more now. The downside is I am still in pain during the day. So I need to make another call to the doctor.

Like most people, I Googled my symptoms and I am fairly certain I have TMJ (The temporomandibular joint) issues. It mentions for TMJ issues that I would need to see a dentist. Well Medicare doesn’t cover dentistry. So, once I get my next monthly funds, I will be purchasing a mouth guard for night. I should have gotten a mouth guard years ago as I also grind my teeth at night. But I kept putting it off, maybe part being in denial that I actually need one. This time the pain is too great to not get one to see if it helps.

This pain has made me aware though, how much I am lacking with my mindfulness and meditation. So I am forcing myself to get back into those habits. I feel they truly make a difference in my life and I feel that life is better with those habits.

Two Fish, Three Fish, No Fish

Hey everyone, sorry you haven’t heard/seen me lately. I forgot how much my Fibromyalgia hates winter and cold. I was in more pain than normal all of last month. I went through some of your blog posts but that was all you were going to get from me. Haha! Around Thanksgiving I had a bitch of a migraine that wouldn’t disappear. Finally on the 5th straight day, I knew I had to go in and ask for something different/stronger than my Percocet. My sister, M, was kind enough to pick me up and take me to acute care so I could get a shot at the top of my butt. 🙂 It had been quite some time since I had to get a pain shot and whewwww it burned. Now, I am mostly feeling better.

And naturally, if it’s not me having health issues it’s Storm. Yes, she is still having issues with her leg and it started to swell up again. Either she opened her old wound or it burst open on its own. I have her blood/fluids on my floors, furniture and blankets because it is slowly draining. I’m impatiently waiting for her wound to heal so I can start deep cleaning. On Monday, I take her in to get an x-ray to see if that will show anything unusual. Sigh…this damn dog is getting to be too expensive for someone on just a Social Security income. 😦

See that big 'ol ball of fluid on what would be her kneecap?
See that big ‘ol ball of fluid on what would be her kneecap?

Thankfully, I no longer have a dating life so I am able to take care of Storm and myself. I really hate the dating life. The guy I really liked saw me for a few more weeks. One night we had a REALLY great night at my place. His wall finally came down a little. I found out he loves peanut butter too so we talked about it for about five straight minutes. What started our convo was that he asked if I had something to munch on and I showed him my box of peanut butter and chocolate chip granola bars. He said he was going to eat the whole box and I thought he was joking so I said that it was fine. He ended up eating the whole box! It was a brand new box! Haha! We were cuddling on the couch and it had been almost three weeks since seeing him last so I said I had missed him and he said he missed me too. Shortly after he took off so I could sleep. I texted him the next day and I got no response. I texted him the day after and the day after that. Nothing. Okay buddy, I can take a hint. I don’t want to assume but I think maybe he got the feels for me and that scared him. I don’t find it a coincidence that I express my feelings by saying that I missed him and him disappearing after that night.

I decided to meet up with another guy to see how that went. We started to watch a movie and he didn’t waste any time in pulling me in to cuddle. Red flag! I thought that I would see how it went it a little longer. He asked me if I wanted to know anything else about him and I mentioned that I couldn’t think of anything at that time. He said that he wanted to know something else about me so I asked what he wanted to know. He said, “I want to know if you are a good kisser.” I giggled, he was being so corny. So I thought, sure what the hell, and we started making out. Um, wow… Within minutes, the bottom half of my whole face was covered with his slobber. After an agonizing amount of time, I finally had to pull away and casually wipe my face.

I thought maybe I could try again but try to stay in charge and show him how to kiss me. I moved closer annnnnnnnd he stuck his tongue out in between his lips… Bahahahaha! He didn’t try put his tongue back in, he just sat there like that. HOW DO YOU EVEN RESPOND TO THAT?!?! I would lean in like I was going to kiss him,  but even then he wouldn’t pull it back in so I would awkwardly pull away. I tried a couple times yet nothing changed, so I just gave up and acted like I wanted to cuddle. Haha. He decided to give me a hickey on my neck. What the hell?!?! Are we back in high school?!?! And holy hell it HURT. It hurt so much that I could only grit my teeth in pain and not think about speaking up. Sure enough it was deep purple and hurt for a couple days after. *Shivers* It was such a bad date. He was a “one and done.” Soon after that, I deleted my profile on POF. dating

Lupus and Fibromyalgia

Well, so much for trying to get blogs written for Lupus Awareness Month! Hahaha! Oh well, at least I was able to get a couple done. And that is just how a person with Lupus needs to think; if it’s not done, then it’s not done and not to fret about what did not get done that day. However, I am fully aware that this easier said than done. At times I struggle with the frustration of how to let things go and\or take one day at a time. And honestly I don’t know if I would have learned these lessons, if not for Lupus.

This month is also Fibromyalgia Awareness Month with the National Awareness Day being May 12th!

Lupus and Fibromyalgia are so similar that some days I can’t tell which disease I am dealing with. Below are some Fibromyalgia symptoms

Thank you for taking the time to read these awareness posts! And remember, knowledge is POWER! 🙂

Patience 

Well it seems as though my Episcleritis is flaring again. The other night I rubbed my eyes in bed. Apparently I rubbed them too hard because my right eye was killing me for the rest of the night. The pain was even keeping me from sleeping. 

But even before that, I began to suspect my eye going haywire since I had plenty of eye goobs & my eyes had a secretion that I kept trying to wipe away (different than watery eyes). 

Yesterday morning I woke up to find my right eyelid swollen. Since this is all new to me I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing before it gets too worse. I bought some regular eye drops but am not used to using them yet so I haven’t used them very much. Hmmmm… I suppose I should be taking some Naproxen (aka Aleve) during this time… 

My swollen eyelid did not stop me from getting my baby some treats yesterday. I struggled trying to decide which big name company to go to. I don’t like PetSmart for the reason that they discriminate & will not allow any “bully breeds” attend their daycare (FYI-American Bulldogs are considered a bully breed). I think it is utter bullshit because bully breeds already have a tough enough time with discrimination. So for that reason, I like to shop at Petco. However, I like PetSmart’s toy/treat selection better. 😦 This trip I decided to go with PetSmart. 

I ended up spending much more than planned (usual how it is) but I figured it has been a while since I have spoiled her this much. One item I wanted to make sure to get was a rawhide bone. Yes, I know some of you are against them but it’s a good energy outlet for her on my bad days when I can’t walk/play with her. And yes, I supervise when she is chewing on them. 

I only gave her half of the bone yesterday and set it on the book stand. This morning it took me a couple seconds to figure out why she laid next to the book stand and not me. 

Ahhhhhh food always wins. 🙂





Cuddles

My bulldog, Storm, does not cuddle. Only when it’s on her terms or when she is sleeping under my warm covers (which is rare, because if she under them she is down keeping my feet toasty). Lately it seems that I have a new dog. Storm has been nothing but cuddly. When we are on the couch, she has been laying next to me, taking moments to gaze up at me.

cuddles

Awhile ago she slept under the covers and when I woke up, I saw her laying next to my upper body. I seized the moment and wrapped my arms around her and she didn’t even try to move. I tried to stay awake to enjoy the moment but soon fell asleep.

On Monday I started to have my cringing migraines. I didn’t leave my bed much that day and Storm stayed with me the whole time. I woke up from one of my naps to find her under my covers, right up next to me, pretty much ON me. I’m guessing she could tell something was wrong with me and bless her for that.

That night/Tues early morning I was awake as my pain pills had not kicked in. I laid there debating in my head if I should wake up my boyfriend so he could take me to the ER. He wakes up at 3 AM for his work so I really didn’t want to go that route. I decided to try a couple skills I learned in therapy for distress tolerance. I laid in bed making myself smile while working on my breathing. It didn’t seem to work (hmmm.. now looking back on it, maybe I just didn’t use the skills long enough for them to work?) so I decided to just deal with it and accept that I would have to lay there in pain until I fell asleep.

As I was laying there, I began to pet Storm and was so thankful she was my companion animal. With it being in the middle of night and everyone sleeping, I felt completely alone. I couldn’t hold a conversation but I just wanted someone THERE. Storm took care of that. Having a companion animal is no joke and should be taken seriously.