Why??

I think the question you are wanting to ask me of the reason Storm was put down is “Why? Your other post mentioned she had some issues but that was part of the healing process.” I have more than one reason but it was mainly because it seemed the same thing was happening to her other paws.

One of her front paws
Her (only) back paw

 

To say it was a difficult decision to make is such an understatement. I have talked to my mom about this subject several times knowing what I should probably do, making the choice, but then not actually going through with it.

I kept hoping (and wishing) that she would finally get a break. I kept thinking that this would be the last problem–at least for some time. But that wasn’t the case.

Storm and I (mostly Storm) had been through hell from April to the beginning of this month. I honestly don’t know how I got through it all. The help of my mom and my sister kept me sane on the really scary parts. But overall it has taken a toll on me mentally. I am dumbfounded how it hasn’t started a shit storm with my Lupus and affected me physically. I think even though these last few months have sucked, it has brought me closer to my mom and sister.  These last few months I have seen just how much they love me. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

Although painful at times, love is a wonderful thing.

 

 

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You Can Rest Now, My Baby

At 3:06 p.m. I hear the vet in the background say, “Her heart has stopped.”

Then my heart stops for only a moment and I begin to sob in the back of Storm’s neck. I faintly hear the vet tech and my sister, Melissa, make a mold of Storm’s paw to have as a keepsake. As the vet tech leaves, she says very gently that I can take as much time as I need. I wait a couple moments then ask Melissa to give me some time with Storm alone. She leaves and I began to start sobbing all over again while embracing her body in a hug on the floor. I cry and cry until her body begins to start turning cold. That realization makes me cry harder because she always gave off so much heat, she was like my little heater.

Not much long after, I decided that I should get my sister in the waiting room and leave. September 1st will no longer be just a “normal” day for me.

It feels like I am in a dream, that she really isn’t gone and I desperately need to wake up. Everywhere I look in my townhouse I see her, or where she should be. In everything I do I see her, or should see her watching me.

That first night was unbearable without her. I miss her down by my feet then when I finally turn off my lamp, she lays next to my chest. I miss only having 1/4th of a bed to sleep on. I miss her waking me in the middle of the night to be let under the covers so she can cuddle my legs to get warm.

The next day I try doing some socializing at my mom’s, then go home to find out that coming home to an empty house is heart-wrenching. It makes me no longer to want to leave my place ever again.

I’m not sure about the future of this blog. I mean, I mostly made it to talk about Storm (plus other dogs). I suppose I can still write about my Lupus…

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. The next few posts will be about her and why I had to do what I did. Some may be sappy posts of pics of her and why I miss her so much. I just need to get it out instead of keeping it all in my head.

On the way for the last meal, Cheeseburger and ice cream.

Last play with my nephew, Kyan.

Waiting for her sedatives to work. Stubborn yet lovable bulldog! They had to give it to her twice because she kept fighting it.

 

Note: I need to thank my sister for going with me. She doesn’t do well with death (not that anyone really does well with it), yet she went for me. Not only did she go, but she stayed in the room with me so I didn’t have to do this alone. That is huge for her and I have to give her mad props for that. Thank you, seester. I love you.

Still Healing

So lately I have become addicted to something. It steals my time used for writing, reading, coloring, and chores. It’s a damn phone game! I haven’t been this obsessed about playing games since middle school! It’s called Simon’s Cat (yes, the cartoon). And I THINK it is a lot like Candy Crush and I emphasize the word ‘think’ because I have never played Candy Crush. The goal is to feed Simon and his friends as many colored treats with only a certain amount of chances. How could I not love a game where I feed a cat a treat?!? And I need to stop playing because I keep spending money on it to purchase more lives or tricks to defeat the villains. Oh yeah and because I have things to get done around my house. Hahaha.

Things with Storm are going pretty well. I was worried she was getting infections because she kept getting holes where her incision site was. It was VERY stressful on me. So stressful that I considered putting her down. But it was also stressful on Storm as she would get a fever before it would happen, so she wouldn’t be acting like herself, would be laying around more often, etc. I finally was able to get her into the vet’s while she had a hole still open (after a couple days the hole would heal and completely close). The vet looked at it and said it wasn’t an infection, but it was her body trying to rebuild granulated tissue. My understanding of granulated tissue is that it’s like scar tissue in a way, but it builds layer upon layer of new tissue where there is a gap. It’s a bit annoying because when the site opens, blood and fluid come out a few times for a few days (i.e. Mom has to do a lot of laundry because blankets are now over every piece of furniture). But every time it looks better and the holes are smaller. So unfortunately Storm still has to wear the Cone of Shame time from time.

 

 

Finally Healing!

Things with Storm are looking up! I am so relieved!

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Doesn’t it look great?!? It looks amazing compared to the other pics that I had posted! Ironically, when I took this shot a week or so ago, it looked like she was getting an infection again. I had seen her lick the site but I had no idea she was that obsessed with it. So, she is back on her antibiotic and the cone is on when I’m not next to her.

Things are going well with Storm learning how to be a tri-pawed. I haven’t taken her on a long walk yet but plan to soon. But her back leg is getting buff! 🙂 She is able to race up the stairs now and she can get up in a fluid motion from where she is laying down.

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I’m happy that she is still the same silly dog. 🙂

A Few Lessons Learned

*Sigh*

*Once again, viewer discretion: Not for the faint-hearted*

Nothing is ever easy with this dog, but I knew that some time ago. I just kept hoping that it would change. I’m beginning to lose hope and accept reality as best as I can though.

Back to my nightmare story…

Surgery went well for Storm. She came hopping from the back of the vet clinic and slightly wagged her tail when she saw my mom and I waiting for her. It was very real at that point as I saw the stitched up part where they amputated her back leg. My eyes became a little misty.  They said she was on some pain meds but that should last 24 hours and to call if she needed more. They gave me the option of giving them to me at that moment but I declined, I just wanted to hurry and get her safe at home.

That first night was rough. I tried sleeping on the floor next to her as my bedroom was up a flight of stairs and I knew she wouldn’t be able to make it. But like any mom, I wanted to be near her that first night. Around 3 AM I finally got up and went to my bed. I wasn’t getting any sleep on that floor (only have a love seat so not many options).  I woke up later that morning to find her in my bedroom. Actually, I’m pretty sure she woke me up… But yeah, I guess she didn’t want to be away from Mommy so she somehow made it up the flight of stairs. It warmed my heart that she wanted to be with me that badly. Yet, what the fuck was she thinking going up those stairs?!? She could have made things worse!

She learned what she could and couldn’t do pretty quickly. By the second or third day, she was getting along pretty good! Stairs are still a little difficult but I imagine she will get the hang of them soon.

Well, things were okay for a while but she started to bleed from one of the spots between staples. After a short time I decided to tell the vet and brought her over there. Sure enough, as soon as we got there it stopped bleeding and I felt (perhaps looked too) like a crazy person. I felt like when I had my lemon POS car and would bring it in because it kept stalling. They would run diagnostics on it and say it’s fine then stall on my way home.

A few hours later it started to bleed heavily again and the clinic said to bring her in. She continued to bleed and my vet decided to wrap her up to help stop the bleeding and to help contain the blood so it wouldn’t get everywhere in my house.

Four or five hours later, I noticed blood on the blanket under Storm and checked her bandages. She had bled through them. It really worried me how much blood she was losing, I didn’t feel it was normal.

 

I asked my friend what she thought since she works at a vet clinic and she said I should bring Storm in the next morning. I knew I couldn’t leave her to sit in the bloody bandages. I had some gauze and wrap left over from earlier so I was going to see if I could take care of her. I cut the last piece and had her stand so I could attempt to wrap her myself. Blood, I’m guessing that had been pooling due to her bandage, came out in a stream on my couch. Imagine if you took a ketchup bottle and squeezed it upside down. That is exactly what it looked like. I freaked out!! I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t have enough hands so I called my sis and told her that I needed her to come over. Thankfully, she was at my mom’s down the street and shortly she arrived.

After running in circles like a chicken with its head cut off, my sister suggested that we go to the only ER vet in town (a different vet company from where she had her leg amputation). They were sooooo nice! And they did a wonderful job with her!

She had gotten another infection. 😦 There was a certain spot that I didn’t like seeing.

They were concerned about it as well and that it might be necrosis (what happened to her foot), so she was put on antibiotics, antiflammatory, and pain pills.

I ended up talking to the surgery specialist and we put her on different antibiotics after he received information regarding a culture we decided to do. She began to thrive and her wound began looking better! We had her staples removed exactly two weeks after surgery and just the other day she took her last pill.

Along with the mental stress this whole ordeal had on me, I was physically cleaning and doing laundry every single day. She had a very high chance of getting worse so I couldn’t have her in a dirty environment. I don’t know how I got through the last few weeks. My Mom and sister are such a blessing for what they had to put up with when helping me.

Since I have been able to finally relax a little, my Lupus and Fibro has been kicked into overdrive. I have been in a lot of pain for at least a week now. Hence, why it has taken me so long to let you all know the rest of this story.

The biggest thing I learned about this event is go get a 2nd opinion!! Especially if all the people around you are telling you to! Everyone told me to, but I had faith in this one veterinarian. There were things he could have done better. I feel that he was very negligent. Even so, I am not going to seek legal action due to my own reasons. I just will make sure never to go there again…

 

 

A Nightmare

*Viewer discretion: Not for the faint-hearted*

Wow… I should have knocked on wood after I finished my last post. Storm’s leg condition spiraled downward fast and started to affect the hair/skin past her foot. Her foot became so bloody which left my house bloody. Blah!

 

My sister saw Storm’s condition and was going to make me bring her into the vet’s on the day I wrote my last post. She was even going to pay for the bill herself. I didn’t make an appointment at first but then decided to take her up on her offer and bring Storm in on the next day.

I brought Storm in around 2:00 and she was all smiles to the vet techs, while she had blood dripping down her foot. They took a sample from her foot wound and went to check it. My vet came back into the room and told me her foot was dead. “There is no blood flowing in her foot,” he told me making sure I understood what he meant. I had a suspicion that he would say something along those lines. I held it together while talking to him about what to do next. He mentioned the foot had to come off as it is useless and to try and stop the infection from spreading. I asked him a few more questioned and said that I needed to take the time to see if my mom would let me borrow some money. I also had to think about where I would want them to cut, at her knee or hip. It was just so much to take in…

Seeing the foot was dead, I asked if there was any reason to keep the cone still on her. He said no but to maybe wrap her foot in a sock or something to help with the blood getting everywhere at home.

As soon as I left I realized I needed someone to talk to, but it was in the middle of the day and everyone was still working. I tried calling my dad but after a miscommunication on my part he called right back. I told him Storm’s foot was dead and immediately began sobbing. I told him that I knew it was just a foot but it still had a huge impact on me. He understood and sat on the phone with me for a bit as I released all my sadness and frustration. We got off the phone and I realized my mom had just gotten off work so I called her and told her the news as well.

I came home and decided to wrap her foot so she didn’t have to wear that annoying collar anymore. I had leftover gauze and wrap from the night before when I tried wrapping it. I soon found out that I didn’t have enough of each and only half of her foot was wrapped. I quickly ran to Walmart to pick up the items and went right back home.

I opened my door and I saw blood all over the floor. Blood all over my love seat. Blood all over her foot—-no, wait. The blood was from inside her foot. She ate half of her foot.

I slowly came inside while creeping her way. She had blood smeared over the side of her face. I remember saying “no” and “Storm” over and over again. She didn’t seem fazed, she just watched me. I called my mom and with difficulty told her she needed to come over ASAP, that I needed help. My mom came inside and had a hard time with the scene as well. She told me to call the vet so we could bring her back in. We wrapped her stump with a couple kitchen towels and seeing that I was in no shape to drive, my mom drove us to the vet.

While originally talking to my dad about where to amputate, he mentioned a couple of points that helped me to make the decision of amputating her leg at the hip. We were told that she would have emergency surgery the next day.

 

I am stopping this post for now as I am sure it is quite a bit to take in for my loyal readers. This story doesn’t stop at this point though, sadly it continues and I will write another post hopefully soon.